“There are days when I feel like there is none other in my heart than you. And there are days when I just feel like taking that kitchen knife and stabbing you in the heart.” –The irony of love and the irony of you.
AZ: I akan prove to you yang I akan ubah to be a good boy. I da fikir puas2. I nak you je. Without you in my life, I won’t be where I am today. I need you and I want you. You will be the only one in my life.
Gg: *smiles* betol ker you? Bile yg you fikir kan ni sume?
Az: that time, time countdown tu.
Gg:*disappointed* sighs. Ouh okay lah gitu.
Why am I disappointed and why did I sigh? It’s because I’m tired of his sweet talks and phony/empty promises. On 15/12/2008, before I went for my dangerous trip overseas, he left a note in my mobile phone, stating that he’d change and that I’m the only one in his heart. And that in his life, he’s found that one person that he could hold hands with forever and never let go. Touched, I was. But just a week after I came back, we got in a huge quarrel, a quarrel that yet again involved other girls. And to further antagonize me during the conversation above was that Countdown was on 31/12/2008 am I correct? And didn’t he say that he wanted to change (over and over again) and be somebody better at that point of time too? But just a week after countdown, I caught him being at his ex’s home. The ugly and brainless ex to be exact. Friendster: starrz (your opinion on her are greatly appreciated) that incident nearly got me hitting him with a steel baseball bat. It ended up with me giving up on being angry (again and again) and becoming suicidal instead. Countless times I’ve thought of dying. The pain of him being unfaithful is too much too bear. Yes I know that I can just move on and get somebody who’s worth my time and love. But the problem is I can’t find any other that I could love as great as loving him.
After these torturous months of pain and heartache, I don’t know why I don’t pack up my bags and move out of his home. And seeing and wondering why I don’t, I’m guessing that I just love him too much. That made up my mind to inscribe his name forever on my chest, directly above my heart. Be it in the future he leaves me for good. Or be it in the future I myself gather the strength to finally dump him out of my life. I will never regret this decision. It’s a mark on my body I’m leaving that nobody can take away from me. A mark that will forever be around to keep reminding me. Painfully remind me of this memory. Or rather this lesson.
Yes infatuation kills, but in your case it’s taking its time.
