♥Saturday, November 27, 2010
i havent been feeling like myself lately.. i feel down & insecure. & i guess that i do not know which way that i am heading in anymore. everything just doesnt makes sense at all.. haix.. im terribly confused & sensitive.. & i get hurt so much more easily nowadays.. why gg? why?
beautifully broken: Saturday, November 27, 2010
♥Friday, November 19, 2010
when im standing, nope. sitting, i guess so? hahaha
beautifully broken: Friday, November 19, 2010
♥Friday, November 12, 2010
how would i know?? there is a reason why the dictionary was created...
beautifully broken: Friday, November 12, 2010
ice skating? you can come up with the weirdest hanging out ever you know shikin.. aiyoh...
beautifully broken: Friday, November 12, 2010
♥Monday, November 8, 2010
could it be possible? that all these years that i have lived in denial that i am actually not alone?
could it be possible that what i found out is true? and what i and Liza mentioned and discussed about could be true?
I have always had this nagging doubt at the back of my mind when i was younger, why do i not look like my parents? why were there no similarity, even if it was just a little. those eyes, those lips.. my personality. i have always wondered why am i so different? why did i always stand out and am so different from the rest of my family. until when my late mum was in her dying days.. and she told me that i was never hers to start with.. i never wanted to believe her, but this voice inside my head told me that she wasnt lying. and after that, when monster asked for my hand in marriage back then, my father told his mum that i still had parents, that i still a mum who was still alive. and i never wanted to believe that either.
i never wanted to believe fully that i was never hers. cuz in my eyes, she is the one who raised me up. she is my one and only mother.
until..
i decided to get married. for real.
and i realised that i have to find out my roots once and for all. find out where did i come from and why and how things ended up this way.
not just for my sake, but also for him. for us. i do not want to start my married life feeling dubious and wondering. wondering whether my marriage is for real, whether its sah..
to find out that my real mother had me when she was 19, and that i have an elder brother who could be Man's age just shocked me. i mean i have always wanted to have an elder brother.
and the possibilities that i could have a younger sister or brother just amazes and scared me at the same time. what if i had fallen in love with my own brother? what if he is just a call away? what if we had done the unthinkable. *shudders*
who am i? and where did i come from?
will that question ever be answered?
beautifully broken: Monday, November 08, 2010
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beautifully broken: Monday, November 08, 2010
no lah, i dont feel like killing you. but we all really REALLY need to have an all girls gathering and meet up like what we used to do.. AGREED???
beautifully broken: Monday, November 08, 2010
♥Thursday, November 4, 2010
you evoke senses within me that i never knew existed. and its true when people say that time heals all wounds. cuz being with you, its healing all those hurt that i have ever felt. no doubts nor mishaps will ever bring me down. cuz standing next to you or even just looking at you from a distance till you notice and turning giving me the sweetest smile ever, it gives me a sense of euphoria that i guess no drug could ever give me.
i know you know that deep within you even though i could even hardly express how i feel to you. i know that when we gaze into each others eyes and have that moment, that moment of two ness becoming a one ness.. and then playful knocking each other out cuz the feeling would get too intense then laughing at our stupidity. i love being stupid and all goofy with you.
im glad that amidst all the trouble, and the problems and the totally different set of commitments that we both have, im glad that there is this extra terrestrial vibe that we both give off to each other.
i hope it will last. cuz i see myself having your kids and building a cosy perfect little family of our own. and when we talk about growing old with each other, it leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy inside. though i admit your version of growing old with no teeth and a walking cane isn't all that spectacular (in fact funny), i know that you too see your future in my eyes the way i see mine in yours.
i pray and hope and put my faith fully in you.
Hazman Hazmi, i truly love you.
sayang kau lah matrep bodoh!
beautifully broken: Thursday, November 04, 2010
♥Wednesday, November 3, 2010
im not a love guru man...
beautifully broken: Wednesday, November 03, 2010
