♥Saturday, July 24, 2010
is there such a thing as temporary insanity? is it even possible to be temporarily insane?
most times i feel.. insane. yeah.
i would feel super disgusted at myself. at how i had let go of my body & let it grow becoming this huge monster that i am now. looking back at my old old pictures, i have ballooned up to a size i never imagined that i could get to.
being overweight sucks. its the cause of every other sucks thing. like the extra fats in my body, causes my hair to be oily when it wasn't, in the first place. and that in turn makes my face oily leading to pimples and black heads. and when my face is damaged, my insecurity sets in. when i look at the mirror sometimes i feel like an acne ridden teenager when in fact im already a young adult. & when i look at the full length mirror, & see all the fats that used to never be there i would feel even worse.
after that when i go to shops and find some pants or clothes that im so fond of, coincidentally there wouldn't be any, in my size.
i'd feel even lower when i meet my frens, & being the only one big size. & hear them lamenting about how fat they got when all i could see is lean bodies & toned tummies..
& almost everyone whom i meet just HAVE to let me know that ive yet again gained weight. like as if i don't know. once or twice is ok. but to go on & on about how they have just met me 10 mths ago & i've ballooned up so much since then, & that if this continue i am gonna get even fatter & fatter till i won't be able to see the shape of my thighs? its a huge punch to my ego.
& i just HATE it when they compare the size of my star to Az's. the reason is obvious, im fatter than her thats why i have a bigger sized star.
i know that we should be comfortable in our own skin, cuz beauty lies inside. but how do i feel beautiful inside when my insides are broken because of my outsides?
my insecurities causes me to be insane. most of the times when i see a mirror.
beautifully broken: Saturday, July 24, 2010
