♥Sunday, August 1, 2010
plenty of you might be wondering as to why i cant go home. ok its so not fair to assume that people might understand when they do know not my background.. my apologies.. so here i am, creating a blog entry introducing a summary of my pathetic life, just so you know. im not trying to gain sympathy, just want people to know how it started.
my name is Gergerl, people call me Gg for short.
im 22 this October, and im a lesbian.
(i didnt start that way, but now i am. so just accept me for who i am)
im an orphan.
my mum passed away due to kidney failure when i was 15.
my dad sold off the house shortly after my mum's death & just left me to rot here in Singapore while he went to Malaysia with some ugly fat bitch.
i have no siblings.
i did not ask to be who i am.
i did not ask to be strayed away from the path of good.
but i did.
i was young, i was naive.
but then i met a good man. his name is monster. he was 22 at that time and i was 15.
we were together for five years.
and i tell you, that was the bestest five years of my life.
he gave me shelter, a place i could call home. clothing to wear and food to eat.
it was sad though that i didnt love him.
i just didnt love men in general.
so it wasnt his fault.
after five years of denial, i confessed. that i love a woman. and at first he didnt believe it. but then things happened in between and the three of us are very good frens.
he's much more like a brother to me now.
in fact so much like a brother that he continued letting me live at his place with my gf.
so he moved on. and found a great gf. and i was happy for him. but his gf, just coudnt stand the thought of him meeting me. so we had to keep the co-habiting a secret from her.
so thats how, almost every 2 weeks im stuck outside. with no place to go. cuz whenever the gf comes over to sleep there, i cant be around. and we'd hide our stuffs and i leave without a trace. until he texts me saying that she's left.
its just unfortunate that my gf isnt here to go through this 'suffering' with me this time.
its just infortunate that i havent been working for the past few days.
its just unfortunate that she came at this time when im all alone and cash-less.
im a big baby. i can cry even by looking at the moon. circumstances havent made me grow up.
and im sensitive, irrelevant and annoying most times too.
i guess that this situation is just retribution for all the bad deeds ive done in the past. & here i am not being strong and just crying my night away.
bt i just cant help it. i cant but cry. and i appreciate all the people who tried to comfort me and failed. all those people who wanted to comfort me and got dissed instead.
im just plain mean when im cranky.
i love you people. i love that there are still kind people in this world. looking at the rising sun amidst the heavy rain, and judging by all the concern comments on my FB, i came to realise that no matter what, life goes on. another day will come to take over the night. and another night will come to take over the day.
and that happens even when you feel that your life has taken a stand still.
again, thank you. thank you for lifting my spirits..
beautifully broken: Sunday, August 01, 2010
